Finally, a post on a helpful parenting book.:)
This book makes it to my top five list… practical with good advice dished out in clear, simple terms. A group of my mummy friends are reading this book together and we are all finding it very helpful!
It is certainly a timely read for me… my kids are at that age when they are testing the boundaries. Thanks to the book and DanaKae (who always emphasizes boundaries)… I am able to recognize that I am dealing with a boundary issue when one of those whining or crying sessions begin. I must admit responding and handling these situations with an understanding of what exactly is the problem really helps. I’ve seen boundaries work beautifully on a few occasions. Execution is not easy. It requires deliberate and conscious effort – your approach is key when it comes to enforcing boundaries i.e do it in a calm and empathetic manner – well, we know how tough it is sometimes for us to keep our cool. But when you keep your boundaries and do it consistently, it’s really worth all the effort. I have not seen the same issues that gave us problems crop up again!
For those who have not read the book but are are already practising boundaries… you will find the book a good reminder on why boundaries are important and why we must not give up and why we must not give in. (consistency!) Boundaries with Kids gives plenty of useful information and empowers us how to make healthy choices to grow healthy children. 🙂
These are random quotes that I had highlighted in the book –
“Who we are today is essentially the result of two forces: our environment and our responses to it…” (p. 39)
“Children raised with good boundaries learn that they are not only responsible for their lives, but also free to live any way they choose, as long as they take responsibility for their choices…If you raise your children to take control of their own lives, they will be so far ahead of everyone else that success in life is all but guaranteed.” (p.28)
“The formula for this is to give children freedom, allow choices, and the manage the consequences accordingly.” (p.62)
“Letting the reality of the child’s world teach him and having the empathy and limits of the parent to suppose the learning process make up the best recipe for learning to respect boundaries…” (p.109)
“… children need two important things from you: gratification and frustration…Children who are never gratified are in a constant state of need… Children who are never frustrated never understand that they are not the center of the universe … As this combination of gratification and frustration occurs a few million times, children gain a secure sense of the world’s being ‘ not perfect’ in gratifying them all the time…” (p.166)
In a nutshell, the authors are saying kids desperately need boundaries in order to help them self-regulate and develop good character. I can’t agree more. I didn’t know this before, I am glad I do now.
About the book : Boundaries with Kids is divided into 3 parts. The first 3 chapters help lay the foundation and explains why kids need boundaries and why it is so important.
The next 10 chapters touch on 10 important principles that we need to understand and implement e.g Law of Responsibility, Laws of Power and Respect etc.
And the book ends with advice on how we can implement the boundaries with kids.
I highly recommend it to all parents… do give it a read. Boundaries and consequences come hand in hand… learn a few tips and see how it changes your parenting. 🙂